One of my close friends called me yesterday really heartbroken about her little sister. Her sister (we’ll call her Tracy) is almost 21 years old and is very depressed at the fact that she hasn’t yet found her click of “girlfriends.” Tracy was very sheltered growing up. She sort of grew up like an only child because she and her older sister (my friend) are almost 15 years apart. I’ve known her since she was about 12 and felt that I really needed to step in and break some things down for her. As we began talking, I realized that Tracy isn’t the only one with these insecurities. There are a lot of women out there that really allow themselves to get caught up with this whole “girlfriend” hype. Well, let me drop some knowledge on you ladies real quick. I need you to pay attention because a lot of the bullshit you are dealing with right now is as a result of the baggage and fuckry brought on by some of these “girlfriends”. Whether you care to admit it or not friendships with your female friends are relationships that require some of the same cautions, expectations and work as a relationship with a man would. Firstly, ask yourself. What are some things you would never tolerate from a man? (This question is for my ladies with sense. Some of you simple bitches just don’t give a fuck and let a nigga do and say whatever comes to his mind) Disrespect, drama, cheating, uninterested, inconsistencies in what he says vs. what he does, fair weathered (your only his boo when you guys are alone) etc… As a woman who knows her worth, you would not accept anything from that list. Why would you tolerate anything less from your “girlfriend?” As far as I am concerned being my friend is just as much a privilege as being my man. I take that shit seriously and to the heart. I ask my son all the time when he comes home and tells me he just made a new friend. What has that person done to earn your friendship? What has he proved to show he is worthy of being in your circle? These things take time to build and until then he is just your “associate.” People come in your life for a reason and a season. Not everyone is meant to be a permanent fixture. Showing you a nice “moment” does not suffice. I use a few things to gauge whether or not a female has friend potential:
1. I need to know if you and I are somewhat on the same page intellectually. What type of conversations do you tend to engage in? Are they diverse or do you always want to talk about WTF Kim Kardashian had on the last time she was in Miami. Why is this important? I am all about uplifting and taking my life to the next level. I try and surround myself with people that have the same mission in mind or can contribute to it.
Lesson: Birds of a feather flock together and if you lay with dogs you rise with fleas.
2. I watch how they interact with other people. Especially if it is someone they have told me they do not care for or find gravely objectionable. One thing I can not stand is a phony bitch. Keep it real! If you don’t like someone then stand by that. I am not saying to not be cordial, because at the end of the day we are all adults. However, when I see a chick going over board with the phoniness and putting out extra over the top effort to appease the same person they loathe, my antennas go up. If you can be that two faced with them, why would I be the exception?
Lesson: Pay attention, a leopard never changes its spots.
3. At some point in your friendship, you may find yourself single. It is usually the non disclosed responsibility of your “girlfriends” to help with the hook up and meeting of your potential new man. Ladies, take note of the type of men she introduces you to. This will say loads about how this bitch REALLY thinks of you. Or how you are being perceived in your friendship.
Lesson: Perception is reality
4. Always, always, always watch a woman’s body language around your man. Gestures never lie. Check the eye contact she gives him, what she always seems to wear when he’s around. Check that phone bill ladies!! How many times does her number show up in his call log?? If you can’t trust this bitch around one of your most valued possessions then the hoe must go! This is how you catch a case, it’s a set up. The day you walk in on them or find out via other means shit was going on…heads are rolling. That’s the ultimate crossing of lines!! If a strange woman from off the street is fucking around with your man, then you put heat to your man because he is the one bonded to a commitment with you not her. However, if that other women is your “girlfriend”, then it’s on and popping for both parties.
Lesson: Check the bitch before you have to wreck the bitch
These are just a few of the things that I use when considering graduating a bitch from an “associate” to a “girlfriend.” The reality of it is as an adult, I have only 2 or three women in my life that are my ride or die. Many have auditioned for the part but not many have made the cut. I put these hoes through a process of elimination. I’m special! I know this and I don’t need anyone to confirm or justify this in my mind. Man or woman, if you are going to be in my life, you need to come correct or not come at all. I have associates that I may do things with from time to time, but nothing I pay much attention too. Ladies, reevaluate your friendships and take into consideration that some of the drama, and stresses in your life could be coming from these “friends.” Weed these hoes out and always remember “you can do badly by your damn self.”
As for my sister from another mother, Tracy. Don’t get caught up in the “girlfriends” hype. Work on the betterment of you right now. Stay in positive uplifting circles at your college. Your time will come. These ladies should not be able to impact your self esteem and sense of belonging as much as they do. In the words of comedian Katt Williams: “self esteem is the esteem of your mother fucking self bitch,you control that.”
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