Q: Nina,my husband has not been "laying it down" now for almost a year. I love him dearly. He is a great man, a great provider and a wonderful husband. Sex is VERY important to me. When I don't get it, I become irritated and moody. We use to be pretty active, having sex at least 3-4 times a week. It seems ever since we got married, he's always too tired or lets the girls (our twin daughters) just take over our bedroom. We hardly have any alone time. What do you think about me having someone on the side to handle that department for me?
A: Wow, this bitch is really trying to get people fucked up with this question.....lol What I am about to tell you will probably cause a few fights tonight in the households of many of my readers and some of you may disagree. The expected answer is "No, stay faithful to your husband, go to counseling, communicate your needs and it will work itself out." I'm sorry but that's not going to be my answer. Here's the thing, women are often overlooked as being capable of separating sex and love. We are categorized as emotional creatures that get attached easily. While this may be true for a decent portion of us, its not the case for many. Having a what I like to call "creepy crawler dick" on the side is not always a bad idea. I call it that because you have to creep to get it. When you get it, shit be so good, you can't even walk it'll have you crawling. Here it is you have an overall great guy that makes you happy in all aspects of your life but one. Why fuck that up? Sexual frustration is a mother fucker and can be the root cause of a lot of arguments and problems in a relationship. Everything now becomes an issue. Patience is thin, tension is high, your bored and uneasy. In alot of cases as women, we even begin to lose a certain level of respect for our man. While we can never expect perfection in a relationship, I can see your quandary with this "one thing" being very important to you. A "creep crawler dick" would be able to resolve a good amount of that sexual frustration. Minimizing the "irritation and moodiness" brought on by not getting your back beat in. Now, with all of this being said let me get a few disclosures and important points out the way.
This would not be a good idea if :
1. Your relationship as a whole is having alot of problems and this just happens to be one. Reason: Your not looking for better sex, you are looking for a distraction. If shit isn't right at home, figure out what it is and decide what you are going to do about it. Stay & work it out or leave. Bringing in a 3rd party WOULD NOT be a good idea.
2. Sex has always been a problem in your relationship.
Reason: A "creepy crawler dick" is not meant to be a permanent arrangement. Especially not with the same person. The reality is you and your man may just not be compatible. If you are only with your man for financial gain, then that's not a relationship boo boo, that is a job. As with any job, be mindful of "conflict of interest" & unsportsmanlike conduct.
3. You know that you are one of those women who need to "make love" while you have sex.
Reason: A "creepy crawler dick" is not meant to make love to you. It is meant to fuck the shit out of you. Blow your back the fuck out! Tear that pussy in two!If your looking for a love making session then you need to stay with your man and train him better. This is how folks get feelings caught up and it gets messy.
4. You're planning on making that side dick an ex or someone from your past you know deep down inside you never got over.
Reason: That's just obvious!!
Trust me darling, nothing beats having sex with a man that can make you feel like your entire back just lifted from your spine, did a full stretch, then slowly placed itself back. It's a proven fact that couples with a healthy sex life are happier, more productive, supportive, have a stronger bond and stay together longer. However,at the end of the day this is not your "boyfriend", this is your husband. Which means "creepy crawler dick" CAN NOT be anything more than a temporary remedy. While "doing your thing" you should be actively communicating with your husband how you are feeling about the decrease in your sex life. It may even be a good idea to seek professional help. Whatever you decide to do, make sure you stay true to yourself and don't get caught up. I have a few older girlfriends that have been married 15-30 years. Monique is the oldest at 52 years old (bitch looks amazing),married 30 years. I'll leave you with what she said to me when I mentioned your question:"Relationships go through cycles. Some of those cycles can be extremely difficult to bear but you do what it takes to remain sane and make your marriage work. While stepping out may not be the conventional method, it has saved my marriage a few times over."
Good Luck & keep me posted.....
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