ASK NINA: Why Dosen't He Want To Marry Me??!!!

Q: Nina why doesn't he want to marry me?

A: Ok....well this is a very vague question and may be difficult to answer without knowing you personally. However, I still chose to address the question, because I see more and more women getting frustrated with this similar dilemma. Once again, I know my answer may not be music to the ears of some of you but,....the truth hurts. These men are not marrying you ladies because you have not given them a good enough reason to do so. Let's take a look inside the homes of the typical "millennium relationships." Man and woman have been dating on and off for X+ years. They have X+ kids together,possibly a few more from previous relationships. They live in the same household (sometimes even own a house together). They sleep in the same bed every night. They have joint accounts. She cleans the house (or not,*dirty bitch*). She cooks breakfast,lunch and dinner for him.They take all "family" trips together.She plays her "personal assistant" role very well.......You get the point right? Ladies, if we give these men ALL of this up front without any effort on there part. What's left? First and BIGGEST mistake. STOP, I repeat,STOP having babies for these men before you are married. Can accidents happen? Absolutely, but it is just as much your responsibility as it is his to ensure you are protected at all times. I understand once you are in a committed relationship, condoms may not be a regular thing. However, if you know that is the case, then it is your duty to bring reinforcements. If you're kind of slow and don't get where I am going, it's called Birth Control. I see it happening time and time again where women are having babies for these men on a promise. If you haven't heard this before, let me share something with you."A promise is a comfort to a fool."How can you expect for someone to love you when you clearly are showing you don't have much love for yourself? A man will only do and put you through what you allow. We continue to allow these men to age and devalue us. Many of us want to get out of what we know is a dead end relationship, but are "stuck" because of having multiple children for a man that filled our heads up with promises. Where the fuck do you think you are going now? X+ years later, with X+ kids, no higher education because you were too busy being mommy and your body is just a hot mess because you were too busy worrying about a man that's not even really checking for you? Here is a truth many of you women may not want to admit. MEN GET WOMEN PREGNANT AS A SECURITY BLANKET FOR THEMSELVES. Did you here what I said? They know what the fuck they are doing! Once you have a baby for a man you are forever connected to them. They are not thinking of the financial and fatherly responsibilities associated with that child. It's about knowing that they will always have a backup woman no matter what they have going on in there lives. Men know that they can be straight garbage, not doing shit with there lives and running the streets. But, if they have a baby with a woman she's going to be more tolerable of his ass for the sake of the kids. An independent woman, doing her own thing, with no ties to him won't stand for that mess longer than 3 seconds. She's out and won't even look back or second guess.


Fact: Marriage shows you are 100% committed more than anything else. A person who doesn't want to be married is thinking, however subconsciously, that it will be easier to get out of the relationship if they're not married. The doors are still open. Wanting to be married means that you have confidence that the relationship will last.


If someone doesn't want to be married, then however much they might rationalise it by saying that they don't believe in marriage etc, there is a distinct possibility that they might change their mind when they meet someone else. Point blank,you just may not be the bitch he sees spending eternity with. How many times have you witnessed baby daddy leave his old lady of X+ years and X+ kids to marry some woman he met only a year or so? This other woman has 0-1 child,independent,attractive and has her shit together? Subsequently,have you noticed that if the woman finally wears him down and he decides to get married to oblige, how short a period the relationship actually lasts after that?


Something has to give hun. This is not a stable situation. With the best will in the world, it is not possible to be deeply intimate and connected with someone when you fear the loss of the relationship on an on-going basis. If you want to get married and the person you love doesn't, then unless you can find a way not to want it any more, you have to decide whats best for you. "If you don't stand for something, you will fall for anything." Idle threats are pointless if you never back them up with action.
So, for you personally I can't say why he doesn't want to marry you. However, consider the things we discussed.
Nina Recap:
*Stop having all these damn babies.
*If he has the cow, why does he need to buy milk?
*Don't get stuck on stupid over promises.
*Mean what you say and say what you mean
*Stay flyer than a G6 at ALL times.
*You will only find someone to love you as much as you love yourself

Good Luck and keep me posted.....

Send your "Ask Nina" questions to: ninaniagra@gmail.com

Ask Nina: If My Man Isn't Fucking Me Right, Am I Wrong for Wanting a Jump Off??!!

Q: Nina,my husband has not been "laying it down" now for almost a year. I love him dearly. He is a great man, a great provider and a wonderful husband. Sex is VERY important to me. When I don't get it, I become irritated and moody. We use to be pretty active, having sex at least 3-4 times a week. It seems ever since we got married, he's always too tired or lets the girls (our twin daughters) just take over our bedroom. We hardly have any alone time. What do you think about me having someone on the side to handle that department for me?

A: Wow, this bitch is really trying to get people fucked up with this question.....lol What I am about to tell you will probably cause a few fights tonight in the households of many of my readers and some of you may disagree. The expected answer is "No, stay faithful to your husband, go to counseling, communicate your needs and it will work itself out." I'm sorry but that's not going to be my answer. Here's the thing, women are often overlooked as being capable of separating sex and love. We are categorized as emotional creatures that get attached easily. While this may be true for a decent portion of us, its not the case for many. Having a what I like to call "creepy crawler dick" on the side is not always a bad idea. I call it that because you have to creep to get it. When you get it, shit be so good, you can't even walk it'll have you crawling. Here it is you have an overall great guy that makes you happy in all aspects of your life but one. Why fuck that up? Sexual frustration is a mother fucker and can be the root cause of a lot of arguments and problems in a relationship. Everything now becomes an issue. Patience is thin, tension is high, your bored and uneasy. In alot of cases as women, we even begin to lose a certain level of respect for our man. While we can never expect perfection in a relationship, I can see your quandary with this "one thing" being very important to you. A "creep crawler dick" would be able to resolve a good amount of that sexual frustration. Minimizing the "irritation and moodiness" brought on by not getting your back beat in. Now, with all of this being said let me get a few disclosures and important points out the way.

                This would not be a good idea if :

1. Your relationship as a whole is having alot of problems and this just happens to be one.
Reason: Your not looking for better sex, you are looking for a distraction. If shit isn't right at home, figure out what it is and decide what you are going to do about it. Stay & work it out or leave. Bringing in a 3rd party WOULD NOT be a good idea.
2. Sex has always been a problem in your relationship.
Reason: A "creepy crawler dick" is not meant to be a permanent arrangement. Especially not with the same person. The reality is you and your man may just not be compatible. If you are only with your man for financial gain, then that's not a relationship boo boo, that is a job. As with any job, be mindful of "conflict of interest" & unsportsmanlike conduct.
3. You know that you are one of those women who need to "make love" while you have sex.
Reason: A "creepy crawler dick" is not meant to make love to you. It is meant to fuck the shit out of you. Blow your back the fuck out! Tear that pussy in two!If your looking for a love making session then you need to stay with your man and train him better. This is how folks get feelings caught up and it gets messy.
4. You're planning on making that side dick an ex or someone from your past you know deep down inside you never got over.
Reason: That's just obvious!!

Trust me darling, nothing beats having sex with a man that can make you feel like your entire back just lifted from your spine, did a full stretch, then slowly placed itself back. It's a proven fact that couples with a healthy sex life are happier, more productive, supportive, have a stronger bond and stay together longer. However,at the end of the day this is not your "boyfriend", this is your husband. Which means "creepy crawler dick" CAN NOT be anything more than a temporary remedy. While "doing your thing" you should be actively communicating with your husband how you are feeling about the decrease in your sex life. It may even be a good idea to seek professional help. Whatever you decide to do, make sure you stay true to yourself and don't get caught up. I have a few older girlfriends that have been married 15-30 years. Monique is the oldest at 52 years old (bitch looks amazing),married 30 years. I'll leave you with what she said to me when I mentioned your question:"Relationships go through cycles. Some of those cycles can be extremely difficult to bear but you do what it takes to remain sane and make your marriage work. While stepping out may not be the conventional method, it has saved my marriage a few times over."

Good Luck & keep me posted.....

ASK NINA: Is it Fare???!!! Nigga Please!!!!!

Is it fare to men when women where push-up bras, butt pads, fake eye lashes, etc.?

I know that you are not suppose to answer a question with a question but are you fucking serious? Maybe the word "fare" isn't the right word to use but let us be real here for a moment. Push up bras, butt pads, fake eyelashes and weave are all temporary enhancements/accessories that men can clearly see are not real. A true "breast" man knows when its a whole lotta pushing going on in a bra to give the little bit of cleavage she may have. As for the women that may be trying to support some sagging breast. More often than not, her breast aren't the only obvious things sagging or not up to par on her body. When you go to a fruit market and you look into a barrel of apples, you have options. Some men like a Granny Smith Apple, some men may prefer a Mcintosh and some may prefer a Golden Delicious. If you are not sure what kind of apple you have you can either ask or feel for yourself. However, at the end of the day you know you're getting an apple. Now, lets address the real issue at hand. The devious, deceptive, coercive, manipulating shit that men throw on the table should damn near be illegal. A woman can go to the fruit store looking for a grape and a few months later she realizes she now has a watermelon. If it was just a matter of them stuffing there pants, wearing a toupee, shoes that make them look taller or even flashy clothing. I can live with that. Nope! Not these mother fuckers. They have completely created an entire character with a bullshit storyline to go with it just for the sake of some pussy.

Here are some of the common ones:


Story: I'm not married/don't have a girlfriend
Truth: Married/living with girlfriend that pays most of the bills


Story: I don't have any kids
Truth: Several baby mommas spread across the country and he takes care of NONE of them.


Story: Pulls up in a nice luxury car and says its his
Truth: Belongs to his mom, suga momma, girlfriend or one of his boys


Story: He has a girl but there is just something about you that makes him ready to leave his woman.
Truth: He's engaged to his woman and actively planning a wedding/ they are working on having a baby and he's told the same bullshit line to all of the women he's slept with in the 7 years he's been with his girl.


Story: He owns his own record label and is currently working with xyz artist/travels all over the world and that's why he's always so busy and may not be able to always take your calls.
Truth: He works for UPS and doesn't even have a CD changer in his 2002 Toyota Corolla. He has a crazy baby mother that he lives with who beats his ass and will forever hate/not trust him because he gave her crabs.

Story: He's mom is living with him or he's living with his mom so he can "help her out.".
Truth: Thats the house he grew up in and the mother fucker never left. If you ask his mom, she's been trying to kick him out since 1999.

Thats just to name a few. I can write a book on the stories I have heard. So to answer your question: "Is it fare to men when women wear push-up bras, butt pads, fake eye lashes, etc?"


Answer: Hell Fucking Yeah!!

Send your questions to: ninaniagra@gmail.com

ASK NINA:Falling In Love; How Does That Shit REALLY Work Itself Out??!!

A very interesting question came across my path this week from one of my male readers:

Nina, how soon is too soon to feel like you are falling in love with someone?

Unknown to most women, men fall in love at first sight even more frequently than do women. "The experts" say that "within the first fifteen seconds, a woman will have decided (sub-consciously) if she will give a guy a chance to try to make her fall in love or not." In the same amount of time, a man will have decided if he is "turned' on by how a woman looks or not. Men are very visual creatures and this will always be what grabs there attention first, that initial attraction. What is important to realize is that the answer to this question will change with age. The more a man is comfortable with himself and his ability to provide for a woman, the more he may seek a permanent mate instead of playing bedroom hopscotch. (in most cases) The answer to this question can also vary based on upbringing. What did this man see growing up when it comes to women? I remember a friend of mine in high school used to always tell me his dads motto on women was, "women ain't nothing but bitches and hoes." Go figure, some 15+ years later he is still not in a stable relationship and unlike Jay Z, he has "99 problems and a bitch IS one." My advice if you have those strong feelings for a woman, tell her. Hold back a little, don't go overboard and start speaking about marriage. Let her know you are interested in her much more than the rest and you would like to see where the relationship goes. Honesty in situations like that is always a good thing. Leave that "being hard" and "I'm a G" mentality in high school where it started. A smart woman will also pay more attention to your actions versus your words. So make sure the two are consistent. Telling her you have these feelings but not calling for a few days, or not making an effort to see her and do things to make her feel special, will send mixed signals and push her away. If you really feel like she is special and may be "the one," my advice is to Govern Yourself Accordingly.
So how soon is too soon?: Don't dismiss your emotions. Proceed with caution. Remember, if as a man you're thinking this may be potential "wifey" it is important to take time and look past the initial attraction. As you know that shit wears off and even the baddest of bitches seem average after awhile. Take some time and jot down a few traits important to you in a life partner, that has nothing to do with her physical. When you think you have a possible candidate, start looking for some of these traits. (don't tell her what they are because you want to make sure she is genuine) Don't look for perfection, just strive for a good LONG TERM match. Most importantly, take time to DATE her. If you do these things and are honest with yourself, you will know in due time if it was love that you are/were falling for or lust.

Ladies FYI:

Men typically have three stages they go through when "falling in love."

The first stage is instant, fast and furious: A man will have decided if he is turned on by how a woman looks. Sad but true fact. No matter how much we would like to believe we can simply appreciate human beings for their character rather than for their looks, nature has programmed our brains to "select out and respond to stimuli as sexually compelling or repelling simply based on good reproductive sense." In Layman's terms; who is best suited to carry on our gene, and legacy. Ladies we are not exempt from this rule of thumb. We use visual, emotional and safety (including financial) cues to "assess a man's desirability." Point blank, can this mother fucker make me feel good and handle his responsibilities? #amen Don't get it twisted though ladies this first stage, is pure sexual chemistry. At this stage you are still dispensable and interchangeable.You're still just another woman in the pack, and he is still very much attracted to several other women at the same time. Even though this stage is primarily based on "animal" instinct, it does not mean it is not very important. How physically attractive a man finds you determines how much time he'll want to spend with you, and later in the relationship "looks' confirm to him again and again why he finds you attractive. Hence the reason it is so important to take pride in your appearance throughout your relationship. You want this man to forever desire you the way he did when you guys first met.
The second stage is when he begins to see you as unique and special:
He may still be visually attracted to other women but there is just something about you and it is driving him nuts. Bitch, whatever it is you're doing is making him feel more energized just by being around you, which in turn makes him feel good about himself and about life in general. Here is where he begins to mark his territory. He pays more attention to your needs, spends more time with you and starts to get over protective when other men try to make a move. If you are with a guy who still wants to keep it "an open" relationship and does not mind you dating other guys, then he still has not reached this stage yet and its pointless to over invest in the relationship.
The third stage is when he has convinced himself that he is a happier and more fulfilled person with you in his life: He feels he is with the right woman at the right time, and at this stage, you will not even be asking the question "Is he in love with me?" because you will know. His actions will be consistent with his words. He will have NO problem telling you how he really feels.  He is attracted to you enough to want to "settle down". One things for sure ladies, at this stage you've officially reached "wifey" status.  Don't get lazy or sloppy, I know and have seen how some of you bitches do. You have to keep that man intrigued. I often chuckle to myself when I walk into a married couples home and damn near can't recognize the woman I am standing in front of, compared to the wedding pictures on the wall. If you pay attention, you will notice the women your man may look at or even step out on, is often a reflection of who you once were. Fuck the "I had kids" excuse!! Accept it for what it is, a damn excuse. Your a lazy bitch and you need to get it together.

I hope this information was helpful to my guys and my women. If you have anything to add or disagree on anything I may have said......
Hit me up and I'll let you know if I give a fuck....lol...Luv Ya!!
 
Shout out to Christine A. for some of the great info......

Send your questions to: ninaniagra@gmail.com