Tuesday, February 8, 2011

ASK NINA: Why Dosen't He Want To Marry Me??!!!

Q: Nina why doesn't he want to marry me?

A: Ok....well this is a very vague question and may be difficult to answer without knowing you personally. However, I still chose to address the question, because I see more and more women getting frustrated with this similar dilemma. Once again, I know my answer may not be music to the ears of some of you but,....the truth hurts. These men are not marrying you ladies because you have not given them a good enough reason to do so. Let's take a look inside the homes of the typical "millennium relationships." Man and woman have been dating on and off for X+ years. They have X+ kids together,possibly a few more from previous relationships. They live in the same household (sometimes even own a house together). They sleep in the same bed every night. They have joint accounts. She cleans the house (or not,*dirty bitch*). She cooks breakfast,lunch and dinner for him.They take all "family" trips together.She plays her "personal assistant" role very well.......You get the point right? Ladies, if we give these men ALL of this up front without any effort on there part. What's left? First and BIGGEST mistake. STOP, I repeat,STOP having babies for these men before you are married. Can accidents happen? Absolutely, but it is just as much your responsibility as it is his to ensure you are protected at all times. I understand once you are in a committed relationship, condoms may not be a regular thing. However, if you know that is the case, then it is your duty to bring reinforcements. If you're kind of slow and don't get where I am going, it's called Birth Control. I see it happening time and time again where women are having babies for these men on a promise. If you haven't heard this before, let me share something with you."A promise is a comfort to a fool."How can you expect for someone to love you when you clearly are showing you don't have much love for yourself? A man will only do and put you through what you allow. We continue to allow these men to age and devalue us. Many of us want to get out of what we know is a dead end relationship, but are "stuck" because of having multiple children for a man that filled our heads up with promises. Where the fuck do you think you are going now? X+ years later, with X+ kids, no higher education because you were too busy being mommy and your body is just a hot mess because you were too busy worrying about a man that's not even really checking for you? Here is a truth many of you women may not want to admit. MEN GET WOMEN PREGNANT AS A SECURITY BLANKET FOR THEMSELVES. Did you here what I said? They know what the fuck they are doing! Once you have a baby for a man you are forever connected to them. They are not thinking of the financial and fatherly responsibilities associated with that child. It's about knowing that they will always have a backup woman no matter what they have going on in there lives. Men know that they can be straight garbage, not doing shit with there lives and running the streets. But, if they have a baby with a woman she's going to be more tolerable of his ass for the sake of the kids. An independent woman, doing her own thing, with no ties to him won't stand for that mess longer than 3 seconds. She's out and won't even look back or second guess.

Fact: Marriage shows you are 100% committed more than anything else. A person who doesn't want to be married is thinking, however subconsciously, that it will be easier to get out of the relationship if they're not married. The doors are still open. Wanting to be married means that you have confidence that the relationship will last.

If someone doesn't want to be married, then however much they might rationalise it by saying that they don't believe in marriage etc, there is a distinct possibility that they might change their mind when they meet someone else. Point blank,you just may not be the bitch he sees spending eternity with. How many times have you witnessed baby daddy leave his old lady of X+ years and X+ kids to marry some woman he met only a year or so? This other woman has 0-1 child,independent,attractive and has her shit together? Subsequently,have you noticed that if the woman finally wears him down and he decides to get married to oblige, how short a period the relationship actually lasts after that?

Something has to give hun. This is not a stable situation. With the best will in the world, it is not possible to be deeply intimate and connected with someone when you fear the loss of the relationship on an on-going basis. If you want to get married and the person you love doesn't, then unless you can find a way not to want it any more, you have to decide whats best for you. "If you don't stand for something, you will fall for anything." Idle threats are pointless if you never back them up with action.
So, for you personally I can't say why he doesn't want to marry you. However, consider the things we discussed.
Nina Recap:
*Stop having all these damn babies.
*If he has the cow, why does he need to buy milk?
*Don't get stuck on stupid over promises.
*Mean what you say and say what you mean
*Stay flyer than a G6 at ALL times.
*You will only find someone to love you as much as you love yourself

Good Luck and keep me posted.....

Send your "Ask Nina" questions to: ninaniagra@gmail.com

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